Hospice Doesn’t Have to be Stressful

The transition into hospice can be a stressful process for both the patient and their family. First, you have to go through the process of finding a hospice provider, which involves a ton of moving parts, including insurance, scheduling, and lining up all your various providers. Then the care starts, which involves meeting your nurses and caregivers, getting used to people coming and going, and establishing a new normal. And that new normal in and of itself can be stressful- you might not be able to go places and do the things you like as easily, if at all. 

Here are some tips you can use to help make things as simple and stress-free as possible.

1. Remember that it is OK to ask for help. For many people, asking for help is associated with a variety of negative emotions. There can be the discomfort associated with the actual asking, coupled with feelings of frustration and perhaps even shame that you cannot do those things for yourself in the ways that you used to.
   
   While these feelings are normal, there is no need to feel them. Hospice nurses and caregivers are generally some of the most generous, patient, loving people on the planet, and they have devoted their lives to helping people just like you! It actually brings them true joy if they are able to do something to make your day a bit easier.
   
   Our intake team, therapists, and other staff all feel the same way. They have likely figured out amazing solutions to whatever problems you may run into throughout the process, and are always more than happy to answer questions, offer assistance, or figure out alternate ways of accomplishing any task if the first way isn’t quite working for you.
   

2. Take your time. Culturally, we have been trained to rush, rush, rush. Efficiency, cutting corners, and doing things as fast as possible so you have move on to the next task are all considered to be normal behavior. But when you are in the position that you need to receive hospice care, you are definitely at a place in life where going slower and more deliberately is important. Remind yourself that it is ok if you are moving slower or taking longer to do tasks that used to be easier for you. Feeling stressed that your pace isn’t what it formerly was usually only makes a task take longer than if you just let things proceed at their natural pace.
   

3. Don’t carry blame or shame. Hospice and end of life care can bring on waves of emotions, with many people somehow feeling that they did something wrong or bad to have ended up where they are at this stage of life. But remember, every life goes through this stage in one way or another, and it is perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, many people find that they can create many moments of deep fulfillment, sharing stories and memories with friends and family members, passing on wisdom gained from decades of experience. You are right here, right now for a reason.
   

4. Live in the present moment. As much as possible, don’t spend too much time thinking of “what-if’s” from the past and the worry that tomorrow will bring. Overthinking things and focusing too much on any time other than “right now” robs you of your present experience. Staying present gives you the chance to feel, see, hear, and do things that you might otherwise miss. Try breathing exercises, observing little details, and focusing on what your senses are noticing in this moment.
   

5. Give yourself what you want. Many of our patients find themselves still trying to take care of everyone else in their lives, when in reality, they should be the ones receiving all the care. You don’t have to work so hard to shield your loved ones from your experience. It is ok to do things right now that might otherwise feel a bit selfish. If you are tired, take a nap. If you would like to enjoy the breeze, ask someone to open the window for you. If you feel sad and need to cry for a bit, remember that your emotions are perfectly normal, and hiding or suppressing them may only make your experience worse.
   

Do you have other tips or tricks for dealing with stressful situations? Please share them with us in the comments below!